The Handsome Prince vs The Toad
by Lai Jun Chen
Summary: "Tyki could not believe he'd been kidnapped by Bookman Junior. And solely as a present for Allen Walker… Wait, why was this really a bad thing?" Romance and hilarity ensue as these two fall in love and attempt a relationship.


_I. To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia._

~The Earl was not happy. His Noah were successively falling in love with the ever infuriating and meddlesome Allen Walker. Acting like love sick fools! And while they all seemed to be somewhat more pleasant and calm, they weren't getting anything done. Daydreaming about the Musician at all hours of the day! There was something very wrong with all of this. (Ref: _Like Helen of Troy_).

_II. A good friend helps find your Prince Charming. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you._

~Tyki could not believe he'd been kidnapped by Bookman Junior. And solely as a present for Allen Walker… Wait, why was this really a bad thing?

_III. One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject._

~It was the most awkward moment they had ever shared. All they seemed able to do was look everywhere but at each other and laugh nervously. And since neither of them was able to tell the other that they were in love, they spent the rest of the day sending each other cautious glances when they thought no one was watching. And for all their obliviousness, it was painfully obvious to everyone else what was going to happen before they did.

_IV. She's my best friend; Break her heart and I break your face! _

~This was certainly not what one would expect to hear from the petite Chinese exorcist. It would seem that she was more protective and sadistic than was first assumed when deciding if it was in any way a good idea to pursue her white-haired Exorcist in arms. One could see that the insanity and protective streak Komui so openly displayed was, in fact, genetic.

_V. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult._

~Road decided that competing against Tyki for Allen's heart wasn't nearly as difficult and exciting as she thought it would be. In fact, considering her uncle's absolute idiocy in this area (and most others) it was ridiculously easy. She guessed he was just lucky that Allen was at least attracted to him. Otherwise, she would have won the first day.

_VI. I didn't trip, I was testing the gravity. It still works._

~He was absolutely mortified. Wouldn't you be if you'd just tripped on air in front of the boy of your dreams? He was suddenly jealous of his crush's abilities as the Noah of Pleasure

_VII. In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads._

~Tyki Mikk was simultaneously the handsome prince and one of the toads. He was just lucky that he was so damn pretty.

_VIII. Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking._

~And if that was true then Allen was made up of everything life was about. Allen's serene smile alone was enough to take one's breath away, giving one an inexplicable feeling of contentment. It even worked on Kanda. However, it logically followed, that the smile of Black Allen was also enough to take away one's breath- as they choked in fear of what was to come.

_IX. I wouldn't mind if you want to kill me, but I might struggle a bit. Because you know, most people object to being killed quite a lot._

~Tyki wasn't quite ready to die yet. He could really go for another cigarette about now. A little more time with Allen would be nice, too. But seeing as it was Allen who was trying to kill him at the moment, he concluded that maybe death wouldn't be so bad.

_X. An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'_

~No one could understand Allen's endless optimism. It was just like a Noah power: insane and defying all laws of physics- of the very universe!

_XI. When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you're pretty much screwed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor._

~Allen just figured that fate and luck were no longer his friends. How else could he have managed to lose to Tyki- to _anyone_, in a game of poker? Of strip poker no less? As Allen pondered this inexplicable turn of events, now clad only in his trousers, he began to plot Tyki's untimely demise. When he lost yet another hand, Tyki still mostly dressed, he decided further that God was also conspiring against him now. As a man of his word, Allen removed his trousers. Tyki, however, would not remember the sight the next morning. As soon as he saw the Noah's out-right leer, he'd made sure of that. Tyki was unconscious for the next three days.

_XII. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it._

~Tyki knew he was crazy. It was one of his favorite things about himself. Fortunately for him, Allen rather enjoyed that side of him as well.

~Allen wasn't quite so sure this sort of thinking was healthy, but he rather liked Tyki's insanity. So he thought it best to let it go. After all, it was Tyki's insanity that made their sex life so interesting.

_XIII. Curiosity killed whoever got in my way._

~Sheryll suddenly seemed to have taken an unnatural interest in his life. He wanted to know who he was always 'sneaking' off to see. Asking where he was spending so many of his nights as of late. Pointing out the hickies he often returned with (he told Allen not to make marks in such visible places, but never complained when the boy 'forgot'). He always made sure many of the other Noah were in the vicinity as he loudly bemoaned his little brother's 'questionable' activities. Sheryll had gone so far as to hire detectives to follow him. That was the last straw. For trying to keep him away from his snowy haired, secret lover, he sent Sheryll their heads. That was the last time the older Noah mentioned anything about Tyki's habits. Allen wouldn't be happy if he ever found out about the murder of the detectives, but he also didn't like it when the Noah was extraordinarily late or had to cancel their trysts because of said detectives. He'd get over it.

_XIV. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying._

~This became his new motto. What the hell was he going to do if Allen found the corpses he'd hid in the back bedroom? He never thought he'd curse a surprise visit from the younger male.

_XV. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know what to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good! _

~He figured that as long as Allen only ever called him odd or weird he was safe. He could handle those words, but he wasn't yet sure he could take it if the boy he was besotted with started calling him strange. Such little nuances in the English language, yet such drastically different meanings... Tyki was sure his brain was going to break from over thinking all of this… But then, he supposed that Allen was worth the head trauma.

_XVI. Don't upset me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies._

~ Tyki didn't like taking Allen out. Not because he didn't love him or wasn't willing to do anything his boyfriend asked of him or because he was worried about running into people he knew. But he absolutely hated it when other people ogled the white haired boy. No matter how possessively he hugged Allen to him, or how much affection he showed in public (Allen hated pda, but it was worth his ire if it kept even a few of the straying eyes away), they stared all the same. If he left the younger male alone for even a minute he would return to see someone blatantly hitting on the boy. And being as adorably oblivious about his exquisiteness as he was, the young Exorcist never thought anything of it when random strangers started chatting him up. The Noah would never let the oblivious boy find out, but a few of the more forward and persistent ones (the ones who straight out propositioned him or stalked him) were discreetly disposed of. Unfortunately, he was running out of places to hide the bodies in an equally discreet manner. All of it upset him, but Tyki supposed he couldn't blame the fools for being so smitten with Allen's arctic beauty. Besides, murdering random admirers was a terribly good way for the Noah of Pleasure to unwind at the end of a day.

_XVII. Smile. It scares people._

~Allen wasn't as thrilled about meeting Tyki's family as he thought he would be. Road and Sheryll Camelot had yet to do any of the strange things (clinging to him or trying to kiss him) that he'd been warned about before their arrival. Allen felt uneasy and thoroughly creeped out already, and they hadn't even crossed the threshold! It was just… they were _smiling_ at him. And for a moment, Allen was certain that his boyfriend's brother and his niece intended to eat him. He had excitedly agreed to have a meal with them, but now he feared _he_ was the meal.


End file.
